Bruno

Hi. I’m Bruno. Yes, that Bruno. The large, in-charge-looking gentleman with the teddy bear face and the “please love me” eyes.

Let’s get a few formalities out of the way: I’m male, neutered, up-to-date on all my vaccines (you’re welcome), and I’ve tested negative for Feline Leukemia and Feline Immunodeficiency Virus. In other words, I’m medically prepared for a long, healthy career as your professional couch companion.

Now, about my past. I used to be a tomcat living the rugged outdoor life in West Union, Ohio. I know — it sounds like I should be starring in an action movie called Fast & Furious: Feline Drift. I was the biggest cat in the neighborhood. Massive. Imposing. A real feline linebacker.

And what did I do with all that size and power?

Absolutely nothing.

The other cats would puff up, hiss, and bop me on the head, and I’d just stand there like, “Oh! So sorry! Was my face in the way of your paw?” I’m basically a 16-pound marshmallow. A gentle giant. A bouncer who apologizes while holding the door open.

Truth is, I never wanted to be a tough street tom. I wanted to be a lap ornament. A blanket bump. A full-time lovebug.

My greatest passion in life? Rolling onto my back dramatically and presenting my belly like a fluffy offering to the universe. You may pet it. Yes, really. I insist. I will stretch out like a furry croissant and gaze at you with complete devotion while you rub my tummy. I have no street cred left to protect.

I’m also good with other cats. I mean… I let them win fights they didn’t even start. I’m basically the Switzerland of cats. Peaceful. Neutral. Large.

What I truly deserve now is an indoor home — a soft, safe place where I can retire from my brief and deeply unsuccessful boxing career. I want a person (or a whole family!) to love me, scratch my cheeks, tell me I’m handsome, and maybe occasionally remind me that I’m, in fact, bigger than the kitten who just stole my toy.

In return, I will provide:

Premium belly access

World-class purring

Head boops on demand

Loyal, slightly dopey devotion

Zero drama

If you’re looking for a big, squishy sweetheart who looks like he could run the streets but would rather run directly into your arms, I’m your guy.

I’ve done my time outside. I’ve paid my dues. I’ve let Chad from three houses down swat me for no reason.

Now I’m ready for the indoor life.

Come meet me. I’ll be the large, handsome fellow rolling onto his back like, “Oh good, you’re here. Please commence belly rubs.”